It seems that I'm not as good at keeping up with this blog as I had originally thought I would be. I think I've just found other ways of dealing with everything that are a little more private and more suited to my personality. Typically, putting myself in the spotlight for any reason tends to make me cringe a bit, but I'm trying to do this for others out there who need something like this to help them through their own journeys. With that being said, I will try and do a better job of updating in the future!

So let me catch everyone up on the last month and a half...Chris is now moving towards round 5 of 6, which seems crazy to me because that means only two more treatments!!! There is still a chance he will need to undergo more chemo and maybe even radiation after he finishes all six rounds, but my hope is that by the beginning of October we will get the news that he is officially in remission. We've definitely fallen into a pretty regular pattern at this point, which has made things easier for me because, well, I'm a planner and I like to know what's coming! The first few days he's usually feeling pretty crappy--mostly tired and out of it and he tends to have a hard time remembering things I've told him recently (not sure if this is a new thing, but it's definitely heightened with chemo haha). Then again, I'm re-reading what I've written and this last round (#4) threw me for a loop because the day after chemo we cooked dinner together, he was super energetic and seemed more like "normal" Chris. So really, the pattern that has formed is more like a guide at this point and we still need to take it day by day.

Overall, this whole experience is NOTHING like I had imagined it would be...Chris should be the poster boy for how to live your life while you're fighting cancer because he has truly been kicking cancer's ass! It's funny because I never know what to expect when I get a reply to my daily "how are you feeling?" The answers range from 'dazed, confused, feeling weak' to 'I just rode my bike 25km or I just lifted weights for 30mins and then went for a run!' The latter tend to be the responses that occur most often in the three week cycles...Then there's me, who's sitting there going "I can't even ride 10km and I don't have cancer--dammit!" But in all seriousness, Chris has been pretty amazing through this whole thing and I know his positivity and overall outlook has and will help a lot of people going through their own cancer journeys.

As for me and my mental health, it's kind of a day to day thing. I'm feeling WAY more optimistic and sun-shiny about this experience than I was at the beginning. I still deal with bouts of anxiety and hypochondria and have encountered the occasional panic attack at night, but I'm learning better ways to cope with it. Number one thing I have learned (but still struggle to deal with) is NOT searching the internet medical sites for answers to possible medical issues. They only make things worse...fast forward to me Google searching 'stomach pain'...Let's just say that I'm a work in progress. I found music to be something that I definitely gravitate toward when I'm in need of something to take my mind off of things. I have a pretty eclectic musical taste but anything musical theatre (Wicked soundtrack, Rent soundtrack, Once soundtrack) seems to do the trick, that or my go to singer at the moment is Ingrid Michaelson. If the music alone doesn't calm me down, I usually bring my iPod into the kitchen and bake something. The combination of the two is a no-fail anxiety reducer!

One thing I don't think I've touched on at all is how Chris and my relationship has been through this whole experience. I mean this is one of those things in life that can 'make or break' a relationship, but lucky for us this has made us way more sure of us as a couple. We rarely argue and when we do, it's more of a difference in opinion (of which my opinion is always correct--right Chris :P).  But in all honesty, if the two of us can make it through a cancer battle and all the emotions and issues that have surrounded that, I'm pretty optimistic that we can work our way through anything!

I'll end this post with a video link to one of the songs that I continually put on repeat. It just so happens that the video itself advertises the "Stand Up 2 Cancer" charity, which you should all check out if you haven't heard of it. 

Thanks for reading!